Non E21 & off topic dumpster

The place for everything non E21. Now with dedicated E12 & E30 sections
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TopCat
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by TopCat »

IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT . . .

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.

Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.

Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.
Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.

Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?
Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding!
Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.

Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!
Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any more $12 paint.

Customer: The price went up as we were talking?
Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?

Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have enough.
Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.

Customer: WHAT?
Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.

Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!
Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems.

Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night!
Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the $200 paint.

Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $10 a liter" signs?
Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.

Customer: To hell with this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!
Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else, but you won't be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon.

Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!
Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which you started. A hallway is different.

Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.
Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you're getting it now, sir.

Customer: You're insane!
Clerk: Thanks for painting with United


Regards
Topcat
Isle of Man Inverness
1980 BMW E21 Alpina B6 2.8
1991 BMW E30 Hartge H26
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Peter V.
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by Peter V. »

And that's the way people are played with now and in the future. :screwy
Gr Peter V.

.Some say he eats nuts and bolts for breakfast, all we know is he is called the carburetorman.

BMW E21, 1981 320/6 Ascot Grau.
BMW E85, 2004 Z4 2.5i Sterling Grau.
BMW F31, 2017 320dA EDE Luxuryline Mineral Grau.
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Jeroen
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by Jeroen »

Legalized theft, with government monitoring even! Same story as with banks, insurance companies, energy suppliers and phone companies to name but a few.

Government is supposed to monitor for its citizens but they couldn't care less and forgot why there's a public sector in the first place.
Regards/groeten, Jeroen
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Mcinek
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by Mcinek »

I'll never understand why woman don't get it. It is sooooooo simple. :wha
BMW E21 323i - My beloved classic car.
BMW "Freude am Fahren"
Marcin
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Jeroen
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by Jeroen »

Well glad to see that some women exactly know what life's about!



Here's another one:
Regards/groeten, Jeroen
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Jeroen
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by Jeroen »

Bl**dy idiots driving without roll cages! But E30 rulezzzzz

Regards/groeten, Jeroen
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Jeroen
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by Jeroen »

LOL
With a royal baby due this summer, we are proud to announce the launch of our limited edition BMW P.R.A.M. (Postnatal Royal Auto Mobile). Available in Princess Pink or Royal Blue, this soft-top convertible has been designed using our EfficientDynamics technology. With two or four-wheel-drive, it rides as smoothly on a polo field as it does down The Mall and comes with air conditioning and built-in extendable flagpoles as standard. For those who are ‘too posh to push’ this masterpiece of motherhood even comes fitted with N.A.P.P.I.E. (Nanny-Assisting Petrol-Powered Injection Engine).
http://www.bmw.co.uk/en/publicPools/cam ... -maam.html

Image
Regards/groeten, Jeroen
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Jeroen
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by Jeroen »

:mrgreen:

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Regards/groeten, Jeroen
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Jeroen
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by Jeroen »

What a fabulous vintage video, Mike Hawthorn taking the D-type for a spin around the Le Mans 24h track in 1957!

Regards/groeten, Jeroen
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Jeroen
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by Jeroen »

Amazing! 50 supercars accelerating... what's your favorite?!

Regards/groeten, Jeroen
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Jeroen
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by Jeroen »

Ken Block's Dutch brother in a truck?

Regards/groeten, Jeroen
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Jeroen
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by Jeroen »

BMW identity crisis for sale for 6.5K: http://suchen.mobile.de/auto-inserat/bm ... 88963.html
Regards/groeten, Jeroen
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Peter V.
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by Peter V. »

Jeroen wrote:BMW identity crisis for sale for 6.5K: http://suchen.mobile.de/auto-inserat/bm ... 88963.html
Dat is een flink bouwpakket zeg.
Gr Peter V.

.Some say he eats nuts and bolts for breakfast, all we know is he is called the carburetorman.

BMW E21, 1981 320/6 Ascot Grau.
BMW E85, 2004 Z4 2.5i Sterling Grau.
BMW F31, 2017 320dA EDE Luxuryline Mineral Grau.
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323baur
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by 323baur »

Dat gele luchtfilterhuis doet me net afhaken, maar anders..
Understeer is when you hit the wall with the front of the car and oversteer is when you hit the wall with the rear of the car. Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall. Torque is how far you take the wall with you.
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Jeroen
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Re: Non E21 & off topic dumpster

Post by Jeroen »

Some nice E30 literature was published recently by Veloce Publishing:

BMW E30 3 Series - How to Modify for High-performance and Competition

Not too expensive and also covers more general maintenance and adjustment topics as well

Image
Regards/groeten, Jeroen
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